Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I Shall Call Him "Dirk"

Wow! Has it really been that long since I blogged? Wow! So much has happened…

For starters, Joe is no longer going to Hawaii. He is now going to Kentucky. Isn’t Karma a bitch? He wanted to go SO bad to Hawaii. Bragging and boasting about how I am going to miss out on sooo much by not going with him. Joe is a “City Boy” (using the word ‘boy’ very loosely) and now going to what he calls ‘Redneck Country’. Haha Booya Biotch!

So, Joe has ‘finally’ accepted his fate that I am leaving. Well, he still begs for sex (which I will NOT give him) because my ‘lady parts’ are made of steel. I can hold out for a really really long time because face it, a girl can take care of her own needs and knows exactly what and how she likes it. I must have been good at something. ;)

I’m not saying that this transition has been smooth sailing. It has been all but that at times. It’s hard when you have 17 years invested in something/someone. You get to learn people and you sometimes learn when they are using their poker face and when they are being honest, but you also learn how ugly, mean, vindictive and hurtful people can be. There have been times when Joe has been down right mean and mentally and emotionally abusive. He has never hit me. But there has been a few times where his rages have caused me to second guess just what he may be capable of.

He asked me the other day why I am not showing him any emotions. Well, let me tell you. I am SO over being emotional. I have been an emotional wreck for years and those days are so gone. Gone forever.

When people hear about our separation and upcoming divorce, their first response is sorrow. I tell them to NOT feel sorry for me. I want them to be HAPPY for me. Happy that I can be myself and no longer be the person that I was before. I am the happiest right now in my life than I have EVER been.

Should I dare say that I have a person in my life at this exact moment that ‘gets’ me? Someone that I can trust to someday (maybe) hold the key to my ‘Forever Happiness’? I have been fighting demons for a very long time. Both external and internal. I will not ever make decisions for anyone else but me. This person makes me happy.

I shall call him “Dirk”. Dirk is understanding, honest, sensual, sexy, smart, witty, gentle, funny, fun, hard-working, non-judgmental, educated, caring, kind, erotic, a great dad, a wonderful son, a great brother, amazing, masculine, confident, ambitious, goal oriented, secure, patient, easy going, exciting, likable/lovable, responsible, beautiful, wise, athletic, well dressed, generous, friendly, compassionate, happy, intelligent, warm, cozy, comfortable, magnificent, delicious, rare, yummy, gorgeous, generous, passionate, clever, cheerful, sensitive, grateful, naughty, soft, straightforward, forgiving, faithful, sweet, trustworthy, energetic… but most of all… loyal…

The list could go on and on but I will save it. He is so sweet and giving that I don’t want to bore you with all the details. Let’s just say that I am FINALLY HAPPY! He is everything that I could ever want and everything that I have prayed for in my entire life…

Love, Amy J